A tantalising glimpse into why I am so utterly compelling.
In a Nutshell
I am a man. And when I say a man, I mean ALL man. A man’s man. A man’s man who, at the same time, is very much a woman’s man. I was born in the 1970s, halcyon days when a man could be a man. And not just a man. He could be ALL man. He could be a man’s man. And at the same time, a woman’s man. The 70s, as I called them, were a blur- an endless round of parties, good times, wild two-in-a-bath bathing sessions with my sister, and constantly hopping from one bed to another, Monday to Friday- Mum and Dad’s house, weekends- one or other of my grandmother’s houses. I didn’t question it, I just went with it. No regrets. I did some things I wouldn’t do now, things I’m not proud of. But you do when you’re young. And, anyway, that’s what the twin tub washing machine was for…Takin’ Care of Business.
The 1980s, or the 80s as I called them, ushered in a new age. For some, it was an age of Rubik’s Cubes and Dungeons and Dragons. But those people, simply put, were bellends and losers. And guess what…they still are! No, for me it was the decade when I discovered myself musically, and sexually. I wanted to immerse myself in song, let it wash over me, course through me. From the post-punk glamour of Adam and the Ants, through the pastel shades and pushed up sleeves of Duran Duran, to the mathematically and genetically impossible Thompson Twins, I didn’t care. As long as it moved me. And move me it most certainly did. And I had my first leg-over. Bit disappointing, but at least it got the monkey off my back. Not literally.
The 1990s – Failed A Levels. Got a pointless degree (see ‘Failed A Levels’). Started work as a PE teacher (See ‘Got a pointless degree’).
2000s – Realised that there had to be more to life (see Started work as a PE teacher). Began doing stand-up comedy (See ‘Failed A Levels’, and ‘Got a pointless degree’).
2010 – Began a ‘Ten Year Plan’ to achieve global comedy success. (This Plan was previously known as the Five Year Plan, Six Year Plan, Seven Year Plan, Eight Year Plan, and Nine Year Plan. As of December 2020, in the unlikely event of global comedy success not having been achieved by then, it will become the Eleven Year Plan.)